the kittens have gone :(

This is difficult to write, but not as difficult as the decision that we had to make. after 6 days we ended up taking the kittens back to the breeder since I (Dino) could not cope with them. I have suffered from anxiety in the past and thought that was all behind me, but obviously not. I kept getting a panicky feeling of "someone's ruining my stuff" as the energetic kittens bounded around - totally not their fault, they were just being kittens. Maybe it was due to getting them so soon after just getting the house, or the fact that I was at home all week and had too much time to be introspective, I don't really understand it myself. I was worried about not letting them outside, about what we would do with them when going on holiday, about not being able to clear their litter tray when we are at work, about what will happen to them if and when the floor gets replaced and the roof fixed (still pending!)..... there are more things but it just makes me sound insane. Lets just say that I am a worrier. Joe said that I loved the idea of getting kittens but could not deal with the reality.

So after 9 months of waiting for them, now they are gone. Luckily for them, there is always a waiting list for ragdoll cats, and within 48 hours they had both found new homes. We took them back of Friday, which was very emotional for both of us. All day Saturday I had to the urge to phone the breeder back and say we wanted them back. By Sunday they had gone to their new owners (one of them is another radio presenter, but not on JOY). Joe has been massively supportive during all this, I know he has been feeling upset but has been trying to keep me going.

Now in retrospect I regret such a kneejerk reaction and wish that I had done more to work through my anxieties. I can only learn from my mistake. At the moment I feel like I would like to try again in the future and hopefully will be more prepared.

Of course, like an idiot I had bored the whole world with my excitement of getting the kittens since last September, now I will have to face people asking me how they are doing. Hopefully some will read this blog first. It reminds me of the time when I told everyone I knew that I was taking my driving test - and then failed. The next time I kept it a secret until I had passed. There is also a lesson in "The boy who called wolf" - many know me to be a practical joker, and so will probably think I am joking when I say that we don't have the kittens any more. I never thought that I could get so attached to 2 kittens in less than a week. Goodbye Reuben and Chester xxx

[Dino]